My motivation is slowly fading away…

I no longer have any sense of intrinsic motivation towards playing piano. At least at school. Word of advice: NEVER GO TO ART SCHOOL. I started off with a dream (a flimsy, silly one, I’ll admit) to become a professional concert pianist… hahaha, I can’t help but laugh. Not only did this school erase any desire for me to continue into the fine arts, but it also crushed my self-motivation. The program here is totalitarian— and that’s an understatement. Everything conforms to classical. It’s great to have a background and foundation in classical music, but I’ve been playing classical for over ten years, I need some fresh air. During my years here, all I’ve been told is that I’m not good enough, I can’t do this or that. I couldn’t play jazz, I couldn’t do songwriting, I couldn’t do recording arts. Anything that would have enhanced my own creativity was and still is forbidden. I call bullshit. I taught myself jazz, I started songwriting on my own, and I’m beginning to learn to record. But fuck, it’d be nice to be in an encouraging artistic environment that pushes further creativity and individuality. Every single person here is a clone— there is no individualistic aspects of the arts, nothing to help us stand out from the thousands of other art students that probably having a higher education in the entire spectrum of their own art. Sigh, rant rant rant. Now I have to go finish my composition homework— fuck composition.

I WANT MY ASPIRATION BACK.